Wheels of Life

 

                                                             credits: Google Images 

      The quote above has been my life motto since I was little, mainly because my mother never fails to remind me that life itself has its up and downs and we have to endure hardships before we can achieve success in life. 

Yes, this is what my post is about. 

As most people in my country has known, this week is a hectic week for STPM, Matriculation, Diploma and etc. students who are pursuing degree since the result for university acceptance is out. 

To be really honest, I have expected the worst case scenario: I did not get any offer from universities, just like how it happened to me 2 years ago, when I wanted to pursue diploma/matriculation and ended up taking Form 6 because I did not get any offer. 

It was sad. 

Sad is an understatement. It was a disaster, a catastrophe as I might say it. Though it seems like I am over-reacting because of my choice of words, it was true. My life turned upside down with just the fact that I took Form 6, even when for others it was not that bad. My life would have been 'not that bad' if there are no people watching your every actions with hawk-like eyes and ready to swallow you whole once you fall down. 

Ever since I was little, I have been exposed to a situation with high expectations being set on you and when you fail to achieve that expectations, you are very much doomed from Day 1. I do not want to tell anything more, so I will just leave it at there. What happened to me is more to emotional stress and it made me stronger to any bullshits people throw at me.

I remember every single thing that people said to me when I decided to enter Form 6, I even remember the way they looked at me when I tell them that I took Form 6. It felt like I was a failure, a disgrace, and that I will never succeed like they do. 

There was only one thing that made me held on; my mother. 

I promised myself that I will study hard to make my mother proud of me, and even though my STPM result were so-so, at least it made me proud a little (because I did not even study that hard during Form 6 and I rarely go to school because of my shitty alarm clock). Hey, I needed that little boost okay? Don't judge me. 

With the 4 interviews I have went to, I expected that at least one of the universities might be interested in taking me in as their student (I do not expect anything from UM at all because of the horrifying interview experience that left me speechless) because why would not they take me? I'm special. 

No, I was kidding LOL. Since there were 4 interviews, it would not make sense if there are not one university interested in taking me in, right? 

So with that in mind, I checked out UM's result first because I would not even be surprised if my application fails, I mean, it was expected so duh. Just as I thought, it wrote "Your application does not succeed". So I was like, okay, moving on~

Next, I opened USM's website since I thought that UPU's system would be jammed at that time since a lot of people would be checking their result on UPU first.

What was written on there has left me speechless. I was not able to say anything except to stare at the screen, hoping that my eyes are not fooling me when my mom suddenly went to sit beside me and look at the screen.

Damn, I did not know what to feel at all at that time. It felt like I finally achieved something in my whole life after always failing in either exams or basically anything.

All the times and moments when people looked down on me and every single thing that they said to me began to replay itself in my head, it felt like I was shooting the answers to every single person who did that to me, instead of actually replying back to their mocking. It's like... you know, we should not reply anything verbally to the people who looked down on you, the only answer that you can give to them is your success and make them shut up.

Just like that, I am now in the upper part of the ferris wheel, and one day I will be back down again. Until the day I fall down once again comes, I will cherish these good times as much as I can and I will try to prolong this as long as I can.

In the end of the day, your effort, motivation and determination is all that matters to get you somewhere in life. Oh, and never forget, without Allah, you cannot do anything in your life if He don't permits you to.

My next post will probably about my new life as a university student. Wait for it!

Until then, goodbye!
XOXO,
fiqa